Guy Arrested For Trying To Trade Chicken Alfredo And Sprite For Sex With A Minor: Should Get Life In Prison For Trying To Pregame Sex With A Cream Based Sauce

AUSTINTOWN, Ohio – An Ohio college student faces multiple charges after police say he tried to have sex with an underage boy, who turned out to be an undercover officer, according to WXIX. Austintown police arrested Albert Maruna IV, 22, a student at Youngstown State University, on charges of attempted unlawful sexual contact with a minor, disseminating matter harmful to juveniles, possessing criminal tools and importuning.

They arranged to meet in Austintown on Tuesday, with Maruna promising to bring chicken Alfredo and Sprite to the meeting, police said.

Full story here.

Couple of things to make note of here: one being that obviously sex with minors is bad, don't do that. Does anything more need to be said about that?

I'm also not sure how I feel about using food as bribe. Well, that's a lie. I feel not good about it. We can't be that desperate, people. If you're debating trading food for sex, don't do it. Just bring flowers instead. Or pocket lint, honestly, pocket lint would be better than chicken Alfredo and Sprite. Sprite's an interesting choice for sure. I feel like nobody buys a Sprite for someone else, it's the soda you bought for yourself, forget about, and end up giving away to someone.

"Hey man, I'm thirsty- you have any water?"

"Nah man, but I've got this bottle of Sprite that someone left in my car"

is how every Sprite conversation has gone, ever. Chicken Alfredo is a BOLD choice. Really man? You're choosing a cream based sauce as your pregame (sex with a minor) meal of choice? Why, god, why? I don't know if it's weirder to eat a cream based sauce before sex or insist that someone else eat a cream based sauce before having sex with you, and frankly it doesn't matter, because weirdest of all is trading a cream based sauce for sex.

There's no way that was planned out. Like this has spontaneous decision written all over it. I'd bet a pound of flesh that this guy loaded up on chickie chickie Alfredo and a Sprite and was planning on heading back to mom's basement for a night of world of Warcraft and dairy before his "have sex with an undercover cop pretending to be a minor" app started buzzing. Suddenly, his dinner became his bribe, and his fate was sealed. I'd  have arrested this guy for this move alone, but looks like they got him on the whole child predator thing.