Man Caught With Full Rack Of Ribs Down Pants
MARTIN COUNTY, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) - A Florida man with a feast stuffed in his pants was arrested trying to sneak out of a grocery store, police said.
An arrest affidavit viewed by TCPalm.com said Alvarez-Aguilar “removed a full rack of ribs from his waistband.”
Full story here.
Heck, if you’re going to shoplift anything, I guess you may as well go all in. Come to think of it, I don’t know how you would hide a full rack of ribs anywhere but down your pants. That’s not an easy thing to sneak out!
A further search uncovered nine pieces of fried chicken, two packs of hamburger buns and some mashed potatoes, and police said Aguilar-Alvarez – who smelled of booze and was intoxicated – swiped the items from the store.
Upon further search? What? Where the fuck was he hiding this other stuff? You mean to tell me that the rack of ribs down his pants was the first thing they found? It seems like you could shake this guy and a thanksgiving dinner would just fall out of him.
I love the food selection though, because this just screams the drunchies, baby. Some of us are drunk eaters! And this guy, this guy’s a drunk eater for sure. We’ve got nine pieces of fried chicken, a ton of buns, and mashed potatoes! I love it. One rack of ribs wasn’t enough. This needed to be a drunk feast. We’ve all been there. Recently I woke up covered in holiday cookie flavored popcorn, don’t ask me how. Sometimes our drunk stomachs make decisions that our sober heads can’t make sense of. That’s just the way the world is.
