LAS VEGAS (KTNV) - Pedestrian deaths are on the rise and a new report suggests legal marijuana could be to blame. 

The Governor's Highway Safety Association report was just released. It says nearly 6,000 pedestrians were killed just last year. That's about the same as in 2016. Nevada ranks the sixth highest state when it comes to pedestrian deaths. 

The report also says that in the first half of 2017, pedestrian deaths went up in states that have legalized marijuana, and went down in other states

Full story here.

Uh OH GUYS! WEED KILLS. You hear that all you stoner fucks? Y’all keep getting high and hit by cars. I got a couple things to say about this. One: duh motherfuckers. This shit impairs your judgement and your function. You think I’d be able to house an entire container of Oreos with my fingers still covered in cheese ball dust? Maybe? But I’d never have decided to do that. That’s impaired judgement. I’ve got the capacity for that level of darkness, but far too much self awareness. The devil’s lettuce slows you the fuck down. There’s no way I should be melting into the floor *hypothetically* and also driving a car. You think making the substance that impairs you, and makes you worse at everything - other than video games and eating - legal is going to lead to less traffic-related deaths? I’d reckon not. 

Second: I’m a little confused here, are more people smoking weed and getting smoked by cars or hitting the bong and then hitting pedestrians? Either one is totally believable. I don’t need any help getting hit by cars. That’s not to say it’s happened yet, but I know my fate. I have absolutely no ability to judge how fast a car is going or what an appropriate distance is to cross. I do a lot of waiting when I have a lot of room, and crossing when I have no room. I don’t know how it happens, I just panic. I’m a big hesitate and cross guy, which maybe is why I haven’t been hit by a car yet, but also seems to get me into more close calls than anything else. Someone was recently trying t explain to me the benefits of smoking weed while walking and the big argument was, “you feel like you’re in a movie.” Now, I totally get that feeling. Great feeling. You’re just the main character of a dope romantic dramedy and the soundtrack is driving the scene. You know what doesn’t happen at that point in movies that happens all the time in real life? Getting killed by a car. Just clicking your heels to Hall and Oates when you get pancaked by the B49 bus.  So, no, I’m not doing a lot of *hypothetical* smoking weed and jaywalking. I don’t have a strong enough track record of keeping my head on a swivel for that. I need all of my wits about me to not get turned into a human speedbump.