This Week In Florida: Python Eats Entire Deer Whole: A Blog Prophecy Is Fulfilled

NAPLES, Fla. (AP) — Researchers studying invasive Burmese pythons in Florida came upon something they'd never seen before: an 11-foot-long python had consumed an entire deer that weighed more than the snake itself.

The wildlife biologists tracking the slithery creatures stumbled upon bloated snake in Collier Seminole State Park, and when they moved the creature it began regurgitating a white-tailed deer fawn.

Biologist Ian Bartoszek told the Naples Daily News that the fawn weighed 35 pounds; the snake 31.5.

"We were sitting there just trying to process that an animal this size could get its head around what turned out to be a deer," Bartoszek said. "It's surreal to see that in the field."

Full story here.

Yeah me too, my friend. I'm sitting here just trying to process all of this too. Remember the good old days where the one thing we had going on snakes is that we were bigger than them? Me too. Those days appear to be long gone, and unsurprisingly this apocalyptic turn for the worse has made it’s American debut in the sunshine state. It wasn’t too long ago that we had an alligator fighting a python in the golf course, and even that didn’t stop folks from playing through; so of course things had to escalate into a snake eating a deer that weighed more than it, in one bite. This thing went full downed this thing like the anaconda in, well, Anaconda downed Owen Wilson. It’s just not fair. Not only are they super poisonous, but they can digest us without chewing at all. Seems like the odds are stacked against us. A little greedy if you ask me.

I warned Florida, man. Wayyyy back when that dude shot that iguana full of arrows, I said, “iguanas are not the scariest reptiles, bro.” That is still the case, and now you’ve got a bunch of deer swallowing pythons moving in. This is your fault iguana-shooter. Congrats, Florida, you didn't change your ways and reptiles caught wind that some loser was martyring their cousins, so they sent their baddest motherfuckers to South Beach. I'll be the first to say I've been wrong about a few things, but oh boy I've been right about a few more. This blog never lies: 100% accurate 97% of 120% of the time.