The New Flyers Mascot Is Everything That Philadelphia Has Ever Been, Is, Will Be: And, For The First Time In The History Of Philadelphian Products, Is Perfect.
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The Philadelphia Flyers have introduced an odd-looking new team mascot — a 7-foot fuzzy creature named Gritty with a wild, orange beard.
The character’s debut triggered an outpouring of comments online, including “Good luck sleepingtonight, Flyers fans” and comparisons to ZZ Top and the Muppets. Twitter users created memes with Gritty taking the place of horror-movie villains and splicing his head onto other disturbing images.
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Word on the street is people are throwing a ruckus over this? That’s can’t be true. This is amazing. This mascot is everything that’s Philly. It’s fat. It’s grossly bearded. It’s got the crazed look in its eyes of a fuckin’ Philadelphian caveman deprived of his “whiz wit”. Philadelphia, even the beautiful people in Philly have the ugly Philly in them. To the rest of us it’s a dark mark, to you it’s a point of pride. It’s a bug, a virus, a disease that you would no doubt call a swagger. That being said, I’ll give it to you- you know who you are, Philly, and you turn it into a strength. If there’s ever been a city that’s leaned into it’s image, it’s you, Philadelphia, and there’s never been a better example of wearing this on your sleeve than here. Why should this be any different than any of your other antics? You already lean into the visage of being the dirtiest, most street-wise city god-forsake city in the country, therefore you should have the grungiest, greasiest, most likely-to-still-live-in-mom’s basement’s looking mascot in the league. This is what you get when you name a team something vague like the Philly Flyers; people start doing word association and other people’s feelings get hurt. It’s not on us that someone heard “Philadelphia” and immediately imagined “meth’d up Sesame Street character”. This is perfect. This is the best thing to happen to Philly in a long time. Better than winning the Super Bowl. Better than breaking the penis off of a priceless a terracotta statue. Better than anything.
