Comfort Food Being Recalled Because of Glass and Metal Bits- What's The Fucking Point Anymore
Before you settle down for a bowl of your favorite frozen treat, beware of mouthful of metal pieces.
A recall has been issued for more than 11,000 containers of Weis Markets ice cream products that may be contaminated with metal equipment parts, according to the FDA.
"The products may be contaminated with extraneous material, specifically metal filling equipment parts," said the company in a news release, adding there is concern the foreign material could be a choking hazard.
Those Hot Pockets in your freezer could contain something more dangerous than piping hot cheese.
Nestlé Prepared Foods is recalling certain pepperoni Hot Pockets over concerns they may be contaminated with pieces of glass and hard plastic, the US Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service announced Friday.
A Class I recall involves a "health hazard situation where there is a reasonable probability that the use of the product will cause serious, adverse health consequences or death," according to the USDA website.
Either the world is completely falling apart or I have a drastic misunderstanding of how close our food is to metal shavings when it gets processed. Is there just a guy walking round Haag’n Daaz with a tray full of paper clips? Is he drunk? How many times a day is he spilling that tray into a vat of mint chocolate chip? I have no concept how this happens.
Hot pockets too? We’re just spilling lead into all comfort foods at this point and it’s fucked. I miss the days of eggs being recalled for salmonella (a made up disease) and romaine lettuce flying back to producers because of E Coli (we’re a year into a pandemic nobody’s eating lettuce). My Chicago Bears are dead, and will remain dead for the next decade, and I haven’t been within six feet of a human being in many moons so no, I do not appreciate someone shaving aluminum into any of the ‘good goods’ that I can still consume.
This is a lose lose lose. We all lose because we can’t eat ice cream and/or pizza pockets- which I think we’ve covered. But it’s also a lose lose ON TOP of that because either there’s an abundance of loose metal floating around our food processing plants OR the machines that make these foods are leaking (?) metal. Neither one of those are things that I, or anyone else for that matter, is better off knowing. My brain treats this knowledge the way my brain treats the knowledge that chicken nuggets come from pink goo. It runs from it. It hides from it. It buries it in the backyard and plants a garden over it. I plan to attack this with as much cognitive dissonance as I can muster, and move on to some more manageable worries- like global warming, or dying.
Call it ignorance. Call me a bad cook! I’ve certainly done my fair sure of putting things in mixing bowls that have NO BUSINESS being there. Last week I poured a bunch of bacon grease into a coffee filter. I get it, I’m a fucking idiot. Alas, I have not (yet) thrown a handful of glass in my scrambled eggs.
